If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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