just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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