You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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