I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
