Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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