I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
