Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
