I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
