listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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