he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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