And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he just fucked me for my cheese..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
