Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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