this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
