He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pooping to opera.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
