I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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