very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
