Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
