jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Two words: blizzard sex
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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