I'm going to jail i love you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
