bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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