yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
