Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
