Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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