If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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