She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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