Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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