u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
