i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
