No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
