mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
