The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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