Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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