went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
