You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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