you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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