Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
