There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
