I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
