I heard we made out
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
