I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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