Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
