Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just cropdusted the office
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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