it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
