So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
