Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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