Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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