at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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