the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
