after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
