I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You don't make any sense
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