I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
