Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
