So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So many bounce houses so little time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
