Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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