i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
