Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
