Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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