I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
