maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
